We all seem to want to get better persons. At least, in my case all my life I tested my greatness depending on the relationships I had with others. I always put then first in an unselfish way but seemed that I came the second (s very good position now I add) and felt sad and confused. I wasn’t doing my gob well? Then came a faze when I gave up and just wanted to be alone, fix my own problems and not waste the energy on others. Here I managed to find s real friend, like me she was broken, like me she wad intellectual and together we fixed each other. Now we both search for the one, who seems to be never there. Will we find him? Well, I promise you the next posts will be comic, fun.and nothing like you’ve ever read from.a 20 year old gozitana. Me and my best friend fell in love with ourselves and there is nothing anyone can do about it.
Che Vergonia?
Don’t be Ashamed because you tried. Thankfully you had the guts! So sometimes you decide to hide the real you; rest assured for many this does not apply. Masks make us ugly, Smiles and Charity make us beautiful; no matter our sins, no matter out past, help someone today and forget what the others say. Money is Power, Power is Money, Looks can Kill and Winks Seduce – While a Good Deed, A Sincere Word – ECSTATIC. Che Vergonia? Non mi frega!
Progress and Change
Setting Aims and Moving On. Perhaps the Ideal (for You and Me). Write them Down and Prioritize. Fail and Move One. The Importance is (Essentially) in Aiming High – Someday You Will Arrive…. A Virtual Tick on the List. And Now I am Glad.
used to be a dedication
What was this about again?
Why do we grow up? Why do we change? I’ve been so hurt when fragile, but now I’m strong. You filled up that empty space, you were my pride and joy, and out existence pushed me to be made in what I am now.
You kissed my small head, you kissed my cheek and praised me as you looked down and saw the woman I could be without even doubting once my capabilities. I made you smile,I made you frown. Well.. I sure as hell mattered.
You made me believe I was worth and you gave me a reason to be the daring tough girl I always wanted but thought I could not be.
Now so far away, you are still with fragile me . I still check for your smile everyday before I go to sleep. Would he be proud and hug me tight?
Oh how I wish you’d see the woman now. How much you’d laugh at my jokes, how much we’d just stare and be. No words are needed just a kiss and I’d be free. Free from this cold dark place which can only be filled up with company that’s beautiful, that’s special or anything out of the ordinary and that proves it’s worth not being with thee.
How much I’d wish I could wipe away that condition that causes me to think whether an ‘us’ is ever possible again. But rest assured, I am always yours. Unfortunate, but so true, no one can steal me.
I can scheme and control, and I love to do wrong and to play god. Cause reality is unfair; so let me verge my pain and transmit our passion into something I can hold on to with security.
I want you to push me around again. I can’t feel pain again. And with no pain, I feel no love.
Why am I empty?
Pause.
Dear A. Your eyes speak a language only I understand while your laugh gives me the pleasure of a symphony. The warmth of your presence lifts me up to that dimension where I feel safe. The world big as it is, can fill up time, space… In a state of mind, body and soul I can never recess. I am rendered hopeless in vain. Once I retreated I could not fill up that empty space no matter my impulsions and strict decisions. How pathetic it is to recall, it means it existed and that shape can never be reconstructed. The more you think about it, the more you assess differently. I’m getting older, the world around me decays, my exposure broadens. You opinion on me might be limited; but that state was of such bliss, only because the series of events caused it to be. Then if we dwell to dare to ask ourselves the question “why” we’d go around in more circles than we are. Why does it have to be so sad – each breath and sip of it. Not even if I tried to, could I construct something as beautiful and dark simultaneously. No more other alterative but to scream. So let me just write. I fell in love with my a made up construction and this author is who’s left of this delusion.
The Conversation.
Perfect strangers make my day. First impressions count in such situations. A wink, a smile… let’s go. Probably we go dancing, cause we get to move; turn around. Sometimes we jump. He catches me. If I slip, I won’t look again. But this time he held me, and I held him. We walked away. The music followed us. It’s in us. This stranger became my best friend. Tattooed for even. Eventually we talk; he remains a stranger forever. The conversation goes on.
The journey
It is quite practical to think of life as a journey. First there are those years of primary-socialization where like sponges we acquire the culture we are born in whether we are made for it or not. This is a time where our guiders check us into places and buy us our appearance. Our carers know ‘the best for us’ they give us their world to live in and introduce us to subjects which interest them.
Then comes the stage when we learn to ride a bike, and we get the thrill of steering ourselves out and about. The world is new and we check ourselves into places we shouldn’t perhaps. The garments we wear now, seem outcast only because all is new. During this care-free stage we learn to get back up from the ground when we fall. Sometimes we find someone who picks us up, or pushes the bike for us. When this push seems familiar, we tend to go with the flow and close ourselves back into the world we were taught to live. Familiarity does give us a piece of mind sometimes. So, putting the training wheels back on is tempting, very tempting. But this what really makes us happy? And is sense of direction really an necessity?
Some drop the bike all in all. Decide to run. Be free. Some mountains here and there. A cross-road. We say goodbye and feel ashamed to secretly want to climb that mountain which is pretty much inaccessible. Or is it?
Then comes the opportunity to climb it. Some are successful; some are unhappy about it. Accomplishment nourishes us in a different way. The strange is beautiful. The familiar push us down from the cliff and then pretend to host us beside the warm camp fire. Some appreciate the experience, savor the fire, savor the food. To others the camp fire has no familiarity any more – neither does the mountain. Their sense of orientation is jumbled up. They pick themselves up; begin the journey again. Leave everyone behind.
Don’t worry, we will meet a lot of strangers. These strangers become familiar because, like you, all is strange to them. The journey has yet to begin. Forget all and just feel the thrill.
Blushing, Cause for a moment or months I fell in Love with Judas…
Gaga convinced me to love Judas for a split second! Note the irony please.
Yeah right; as if not all of us have a dark side.
It is in human nature to betray; and to feel horrible about it. The more horrible you feel, the more successful you were?
It is easier to fall in love with disrupted human nature which has been fortified, mashed, moulded for centuries only into those actions which give you that wide grin – the type in which you wouldn’t think twice if you have something stuck in your teeth or not before smiling.
Pleasure or Pain?
Yes, it is much easier to be human.
Gaga thanks for reminding us we are all sinners.
(Imma ma flahtx nitfa stampa ta’ salib b’qalb b’Judas miktuf fuqu – Tghif ghaliex?
The Law of Binaries
This law of binaries is what problems in this world are all about. Poor – Rich, Black – White, Happy – Sad, High – Low, Gay – Straight, Smart – Stupid, Tough – Soft. And most of all, I refuse to have to define myself as an Introvert or an Extrovert. I – and not society – get to choose who I am – When I want, where I want.
Normlessness drives us to insanity for no reason. The world in 2011 is too complicated to relate to Durkheim, Marx or Weber. I don’t get it why we still relate to these things. I follow the trends which make me feel in place – but why should I need to feel in place? Who’s made such a rule? I follow trends because they please me; and have my strange side because it makes me complete.
Dedicated to all those who refuse to be themselves because of the eyes of society’s constraints. Don’t let it bring you down.
Sometimes I wonder how much revenue is generated from meds. Life, anywhere in this world can pin-point at them.
So here’s to happiness, which in my opinion, can only be reached from a smile shared among friends and lovers, and an accomplishment of one’s dreams.
Be friends with whom you want, love who you makes you happy and dream of anything you please.
Alphonse Mucha & the sense of sight
I hope those in Malta visited the Alphonse Mucha exhibition in Valletta (click here for info). It is Spectacular. I’m no art critic or expert, but am just a person who wants to tell the world whenever she has goosebumps; especially those triggered by visual stimulation. Even if you don’t usually like art; a beautiful woman is a beautiful woman. Everyone appreciates feminine beauty. Art is in everyone, in some form or another. But I seem to keep on correlating art and beauty with the visual. I have a soft spot for that. The book, the movie, the face, the landscape – all mesmerizing. Perhaps it’s because I’m truly ignorant when it comes to music, cooking and a good massage. If more people write about these things, I might be interested.
I want to hang my favorite piece everywhere & I want to steal her:
& I want to go to PRAGUE!
